Holiday gatherings are great! They can also feel tricky and uncomfortable if you are dealing with fertility issues. It seems like one aunt, cousin or even friend always asks the dreaded “so when are you guys going to start having kids?” question. A question that’s personal for everyone, whether they have been TTC for a long time or not, and should just be left un-asked – but there always seems to be someone who is a little too nosy.
If you are heading to a holiday gathering for Thanksgiving and are feeling a bit anxious about how you may face this question or other similar (annoying) comments, here are a few tips for you!
- Have a plan: You’re already expecting the questions and comments so have a discussion with your partner ahead of time. What are you comfortable vs. uncomfortable with sharing? What would you be comfortable telling someone who is prying? And, what might be an easy topic to bring up to change the subject altogether? Having an answer prepared or a subject diversion to move on from the question can help you quickly move on to lighter topics and a much more enjoyable rest of your day.
- Have an escape route: If you don’t want to answer the questions and comments, have a code word with your partner that tells them you need someone to interfere so you can slip away quickly.
- Set boundaries: There’s always the option to skip the big gathering or even host your own with people who love and support you and may already know about your individual fertility situation. These are the friends and family who aren’t going to pry because they know you will share what you are comfortable with. They are just here to love you and your partner and have an incredible time together. Show yourself compassion and do what will make you the most happy this year!
Remember, more people that you realize are struggling, or have struggled with infertility. So choose what will make your holiday season one to remember (in a good way!) this year!