It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Full of joy, holiday spirit and time spent together. But it can also be full of those unsolicited questions from nosy family and friends: “So, when are you going to have a little one?”


While they mean well, this question can be so painful (and uncomfortable) if you’ve experienced a loss or are struggling with infertility. You would love to respond with, “soon!” but know that it’s truly not that simple. So if you are gearing up for holiday gatherings and dreading these conversations, here are 3 tips for handling this question…or not!


  1. Save your mental health. You’re already dealing with a lot if you’re facing an infertility diagnosis so you have every reason to do what feels right for you this year. If you and your significant other would prefer to spend your holiday together at home, do it! Take this year off and just enjoy some time together without the added stress.
  2. Share. If you’re at a place that feels comfortable, share your journey with others. They may not understand from a personal perspective but they love you and want to be there for you in difficult times. Share what you want and keep your boundaries right where you need them!
  3. Plan ahead. Wherever you are in your infertility journey, now may not feel like the time to discuss it with those outside of your closest support network. So if you expect the question to come up, plan a response with your significant other. Maybe that response is as simple as: “when the time is right.” and you can leave it at that, or maybe you are willing to share just a little further. Whatever your comfort level, being prepared for the question can help to ease the stress so you can sit back and enjoy the gathering!


However you decide to spend your holidays this year, do it your way! Surround yourself with the ones you love most and enjoy the little moments!


From the UNC Fertility team, Happy Holidays!